Please Be My Strength

Ever since one of the bands at school sang a song by 'Gungor', I've loved listening to his album. He has such a unique voice and he sings words filled with truth and vulnerability. He's very open, it seems, about his feelings toward God. And this song just struck a chord in me (no pun intended haha). Although he is referring to his faith and needing God to strengthen it, I'm sure everyone can relate to it in some way or another.

Today was a hard day for me. I should've known it was gonna be difficult when Becca broke a casserole dish around 9 in the morning, shortly after I'd fed her and had to make some more formula. She took advantage of my back being turned and reached in for some kind of plastic placemat, which was underneath a whole bunch of dishes and luckily, luckily, only one broke. And then she decided to strip off her clothes twice. Not once, but twice!! and she tried to do it another time but I caught her and stopped her. She was really grabby and needy today, though, and that made it a hard and tiring day. I yelled a couple of times, something I'm not proud of at all. But it was more directed towards myself cuz I was just so frustrated. I didn't know what she wanted and she kept going upstairs to try and get naked or grabbing at stuff or shoving blankets and scarves into my hands wanting me to hold them up for her. She's really not all that much work, but it gets old after a while. I finally took her for a bike ride towards the end of the day, which I thought would help with her behavior. And it did, for a while at least. And then she was needy again. And the dog gets up and follows me every time I do something, even if it's just to refill my water glass, or go to the bathroom. And that gets annoying after a while, too.

12 MORE DAYS

I can definitely tell that my patience, my confidence in myself, and my faith are all being tested. I had a minor breakdown today, when Becca kept doing something that I kept telling her not to do, when the dog kept pawing at me, when the cat kept meowing for whatever reason (I never figured out what it was) and I was trying to fix up some formula/feeding for Becca I think. I wanted to give up. I wanted to call Matt or call his ex-wife LeAnn and tell either of them that I couldn't do this. That I can't handle being with one kid 24/7 and having to live the life of a non-working single parent for two weeks. And then a wise friend reminded me that God never puts us in situations that we can't handle. They may be situations that will push us right to our limit, situations that will stretch and pull is in various directions at the same time, but whatever those situations may be, we can handle them. And this is one of those situations for me. So, thank you friend, and you know who you are. And momma, thanks for the phone call. It was nice to hear your voice and be able to talk to someone who actually responds to me when I speak to them :)

I was reading Job today. And I just realized that I should've been thinking about that when I thought I was having such a hard time with Becca and the pets! Honestly, now that I think about it, Job is probably one of my favorite characters in the Bible. He's and inspiration. He loved and praised God even in spite of everything he went through. So, Job and Gungor have both spoken to me today, though I didn't realize it until just now pretty much.

And that's life through the eyes of a drained and exhausted banana munchkin.

Gungor: "Please Be My Strength"
So please be my strength
Please be my strength
'Cause I don't have any more
I don't have any more

I'm looking for a place
Where I can plant my faith
One thing I know for sure

I cannot create it
And I cannot sustain it
It's Your love
That's keeping me